I have to admit that I am a big fan of the class system because it lets everyone know where they belong. I know that since the days of Blair we are supposed to think we are living in a class free society but when it comes down to it, who would you respect to run the country and the capital city out of these two photos?
Of course any fool who is not trying to be deliberatly obtuse would prefer the toffs in power over the lazy work shy scum and that’s because we naturally trust people who have the correct number of chromasomes and can spell their own names correctly.
The problem with the class system is that it has lost its way in recent years, the once simple definitions of working class, middle class and upper class don’t cut it any more and we need some new definitions. I suggest that the entire class system be divided into two main superclasses with three subclasses underneath:
Upper Superclass
- Upper Class - The traditional toffs who were born into it and so have the benefit of a good education and have the expectations of their parents &peers to guide them. They are better than most of us because they are expected to be better and so in most cases rise to the challenge. Most of the traditional Tory sorts would fall into this category.
Newspaper of choice: FT, Telegraph
- Middle Class - Those who gained a profession or worked hard to get a little more than those around them. This would not include anyone who lives in a ’semi’ and thinks that doylies are a good idea. Mainly this would be junior and middle ranking officers in the armed forces, doctors, laywers, CEOs and also most business owners. Most of New Labour would be somewhere in here as they are the top tier of the working men and women.
Newspaper of choice: Times
- Working Class - The salt of the earth workers who pay their taxes and get butt fucked by the government at every corner. The people with trades or skills that are important to the country and should be valued, but aren’t.
Newspaper of choice: The Sun
Lower Superclass
- Celebrity Class - No talent, no brains but elevated above all the others in the lower superclass because they went on X Factor and the public loved them. Overpaid footballers and talent free boy bands would all stake their claim to this territory, as would the likes of Heather Mills, Charlotte Church, Catherine Zeta Jones and Kerry Catona.
Newspaper of choice: Unlikely to read but can be seen in periodicals such as “Heat”
- Pretentious Class - Yes, here are the people who live in a semi and think that doylies are good. Normally proud of a few nice pictures of horses around the house and probably collectors of those silly little glass or porcelain animals. These are the people who read the Daily Mail and constitute ‘middle england’. Likely to be outraged at things the gutter press tells them to be outraged at.
Newspaper of choice: The Daily Mail
- The Chav Class - You know who they are. These are the rung well below the working classes who don’t work and spend their time claiming benefits for imaginary diabilities. These are the people who are draining the country of resources and are the product of a generation of celebrating laziness and greed. Every year they elect one or more of their own to be elevated to celebrity status through some form of talentless talent show. These are the people who: go on Jeremy Kyle, breed, wear tracksuits, have Sky TV, spend a fortune on pay as you go mobiles, do the lottery, think easyjet and ryanair are a good way to travel and raise their kids to think that the best career options are either to get pregnant and claim benefits or get someone else pregnant and live off benefits. Likely to have fat kids because they are too thick to cook healthy meals.
Newspaper of choice: Heat Magazine
When I was a kid we were subjected to fables and parables in assembly at primary school. I used to doubt the value of teaching a child anything that required a made up story to illustrate it; surely there are enough examples in real life to illustrate every important lesson?
My favourite fable was the emperor’s new clothes because I have never had much faith for the intelligence of large groups of people. As it happens the story is quite relevant at the moment because the popularity of that whinging bint, Amy Winehouse, is a perfect example of how people can be fooled into thinking something is good when in fact it does not exist; I am taking of course about her talent. Amy Winehouse has failed to turn up to a number of gigs and causes a whole load of ‘controversy’ in the middle class shit papers but people still argue that she is a wonderful performer and extremely talented when she actually does make it onto stage (between visits to her husband in chokey).
Sorry, but she’s shit. Let’s just move on and find someone who is:
a) talented
b) able to stay sober long enough to get through a concert
It’s not that difficult as there are hundreds of people more talented than her.
