That's fucking stupid

The Press Complaints Commission (whose Code of Practice Committee is headed by Paul Dacre), has kindly decided not to censure Jan Moir for her article in the Daily Mail (whose editor is, erm, whassisname? Paul something?).

Which is nice.

Full commentary, by the way, at the excellent Tabloid Watch.

Chubby motherfucker Kevin Smith, responsible for movies such as Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy along with such travesties as Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back*, has been chucked off a flight for being a lardy cunt.

He’s now proceeding to whine to his millions of mindless idiot fans about how hard done by he is for not being allowed to fly on a plane he wasn’t even booked on. It seems he normally books out a row of three seats for him and his frighteningly scrawny wife (yes, the physics of how Harley Quinn came about are beyond me too) but this time the slightly unnerving wife wasn’t there so Kev only opted for two of the seats. Smith then arrived early for the flight he was planning on getting and asked to be bumped up to an earlier flight, one that was pretty full.

This seems to be where the breakdown in communication is. Southwest Air seems to have predicted the explosion in fat fuckery in the USA by introducing a policy 25 years ago which clearly states that tubby bitches who can’t fit in one seat are required to purchase two seats. In walks the lardy cake of shit that is Kevin Smith with two tickets in hand and no spaces on the flight for a double seat. Someone most probably either

1. Assumed the fat fucker was lying about not really needing two seats
2. Figured they couldn’t charge him for two seats if they didn’t give him two seats

Either way the butterball was bumped from that flight to the one that he was originally supposed to take and all should have been well in the world, but our Kevin wasn’t going to let it lie there; he decided to tweet his annoyance to the 1.6 million tossers who want to appear dramatically cooler than they actually are by following him on twitter**.

Now I’m conflicted on this so let’s have a for and against Kevin Smith list, let’s start with the for:

1. They didn’t have the space for his double seat, they could surely have checked that at the checkin desk?
2. He could fit his lardy ass in the seat and the two women seated next to him were ‘perfectly happy’***.
3. I went somewhere with my little brother when he was 12 and he no way took up a full seat. Could I get a discount from the airline? Could I fuck.
4. There was another fat bastard on the plane who didn’t get called out.
5. He has 1.6m twitter followers so fuck the lot of you, he can do what he likes.

On the flip side:

1. He ended up on the same fucking plane that he’d booked his oily ass on.
2. He’s an annoying whiny shitstorm so he probably said something to annoy someone.
3. Even if he didn’t say something to annoy someone I’d throw him off the plane just for giving Ben Affleck so much screen time.
4. Ditto Dogma.
5. Ditto ruining my childhood memories of Luke Skywalker by making Mark Hamill humiliate himself in J&SBSB.

So here’s my solution: let’s weigh all the passengers and their luggage before we fly them anywhere and then charge the cunts by weight.

And Kevin, you’ve got a few quid**** so don’t be tight, never turn right.

*Seriously, that movie was like having all of my senses raped by a tattooed guy called ‘Spider’.

**One must assume these people also follow Ashton Kutcher, President Obama & Shaquille O’Neill

***So fucking excited to be sat next to the world renowned sense raper Kevin Smith that they didn’t mind his flabby ass making an excursion to their seat while his sweaty bingo wings slapped them in the face every time he lifted his chubby arms in the air to make room for breathing

****As evidenced by the fact that you’re ugly as shit but have clearly had sex at least once.

Odious toad, Nick Griffin, says:

We had to do it [change the constitution] for legal reasons. Many of our members think it’s a good thing.

A lot of people said we should have done it some time ago but that’s really by the by.

Our problem with this is a government funded, taxpayer-funded quango telling people who they can and can’t associate with, [which] is a fundamental outrage.

Nevertheless, we recognise legal reality, so we have done it and now, for one thing, they can’t call us racist any more.

Spot on there, Nick, because changing your constitution to allow non whites in to your little gang because you have to is the very definition of not being racist.

Newsflash: Hundreds of people overdosed on homeopathy treatments at the weekend and nobody died. Some may have been a little giddy with the extra sugar.

It wasn’t a bad stunt, one that got a little bit of coverage in the press. The homeopathy cronies will easily explain the reason that overdoses don’t kill or harm to be due to the safe nature of homeopathy treatment so no real harm is caused to their stories of voodoo and beating glass on leather.

Here’s the thing though: homeopathy does work as a pretty good placebo and the placebo effect is well documented to help people recover from all sorts of unlikely ailments. If thick people want to buy a placebo then it’s got to be cheaper for the NHS than paying for lots of expensive drugs. If it works then the NHS saves money, if it doesn’t then it’s not like we’ve lost an Einstein, is it?

I think everyone should read how it is actually supposed to work, it’s like someone made it up to see just how gullible people would actually be (eaten any spiders in your sleep recently?). Basically you get something that’s bad for you and then watering it down so much that there is none left. An example would be using caffeine to cure insomnia, but then watering it down so much that you would need a tub of water bigger than the known universe to find just a single caffeine molecule. The best bit is that by hitting the flask of water or shaking it makes the water remember what was in it.

I didn’t make that up. Samuel Hahnemann did in 1796 and people still fall for it.

I am now regularly hitting the side of my toilet bowl after I do a big turd so that the water I use to flush it will remember the poo. It’ll also be plenty diluted so extra potent by the time the homeopathy fans drink my shit.

BBC have a nice article about online giving which mentions the very wonderful Justgiving. They go at lengths to explain that although companies like Justgiving charge for their payment processing services they actually save charities money by consolidating the payment processing and doing it cheaper than the charities could do it themselves. If you give your money direct to a charity you aren’t giving it to an organisation entirely staffed by volunteers, it still costs money to employ them to process your donation. Even so, one bright spark has commented thus:

It’s good to finally see a big not-for-profit player in this market. Regardless of how well the charities have done out of the existence of JustGiving & co, it always grates when making charitable donations to be handing a cut to a for-profit business.
Peyman, London

Dude, words fail me. Even if you ring up a charity direct you are going to be costing them:

• A portion of the cost of the donation phone line
• A portion of the wages of the person writing down your bank details and punching it into a machine
• The payment processing costs which are paid to the card companies
• A portion of the wages of the person who posts off the information to HMRC to claim the gift aid
• A portion of the wages of the accounts people who keep track of it all and auditors who make sure it’s legit
• If you donate via the charity’s website you’re looking at server and maintenance costs as well as hosting and bandwidth, plus most of the above

For a small charity that’s just not practical and those that attempt it themselves can expect to end up spending more than if they got Justgiving to do it for them.