That's fucking stupid

Posts Tagged ‘bulldog’

We at TFS always like to hear the opposite side of the story from ours. We love to read other people’s opinions and well thought out ripostes.

But what we love even more than that are stupid people. People who have mastered the art of the hysterical keyboard mash, and who invariably fall into one of two categories:

1. Those who use the words “100%” in their posts, despite being an uneducated mouth-breather who will spout any form of quasi-reasonable sounding drivel as long as it comes from someone similarly white, middle class and boundlessly stupid. Daily Heil types, you know who they are.

2. Those who assume ironic, pseudo-pretentious poses and are utterly, utterly convinced that this impresses people with how clever he is, when in fact we openly attempt to bait him so that he will carry on churning out his own auto-back-patting postings with the aid of a thesaurus and a jar of Ribena.

We shall call them Trolls.

The Troll is a curious beast. It may lurk around in dark corners of the internet, avoiding sunlight, showers and nutritional food, and only delurking when suitably riled. These types are blessedly easy targets – it’s kind of like waving a steak at a pissed-off pitbull. You just know it’s gonna bite and bark and jump about like its arse is on fire, yet you do it anyway, don’t you?

This type will snap at the first provocation and will undoubtedly believe that TIPING THIGNS IN CAPS MAEKS THEM TRUE, I KNOW 100% THIS IS FACT!!!1.

They are the intellectual equivalent of the Youtube commentor. They haven’t really got much past the evolutionary equivalent of the “OMFG U’R SO GHEY” argument. These people are impossible to reason with; would you reason with a dog that shits on your rug then looks at you, proud of the steaming pile of turd he has produced?  No. You slap it down and banish it back to the dark corner whence it came.

Typical Internet Troll

Such Trolls as fall into category 1. have a propensity to use percentages to demonstrate FACT(TM). A prime example would be “i may not be medically trained but i am not stupid…i am the mother of a boy with acquired autism and i know 100% it was the MMR which caused the autism”.

It’s important to emphasise that Trolls like this are immune to reason (despite being against vaccinations, ironically enough) and do not let a plethora of studies and scientific evidence sway them from the path of FACT(TM). They are the only person in the debate in possession of FACT(TM), despite being a hysterical keyboard-basher jumping on an already-dismissed panicwagon created from an unholy mix of conviction that the authorities are conspiring against them and plain old middle class TEH FEAR. Of what? Who knows; maybe daylight, or other people, or rational, reasoned dialogue (most likely).

Trolls like this can be relied upon to descend in to badly spelled CAPSLOK RIDDEN HISTERIA at any point, which is always a really, really good indicator of your intellectual credibility.

They genuinely, really and truly believe that they alone are the maverick free-thinker among the sheeple masses. This makes them ripe for a bit of delusional paranoia – a really good Troll won’t let something lie until they have demonstrated their conviction that some government agency somewhere is watching them / withholding vital evidence that will prove the Troll right beyond all doubt, and that the lack of evidence to support their paranoid delusion is “pretty CONVENEINT, eh???!1”

Whilst fun to play with, having a set-to with someone like this is the rough equivalent of bear-baiting. Sure, it’s fun to see them shuffling and grunting and flailing whilst you repeatedly poke them, but it gets old pretty quickly.

The fun starts when one of the other types of Troll shambles onto the scene. The ones that are just about intelligent enough to believe they’re a wit, when in fact they’re only half a one.*

Such types will often come across in their posts as making painful yet hilarious attempts to sound supercilious and aloof, usually through the misuse of sarcasm. Phrases such as “Yes, splendid idea! let’s all do what you say, because obviously you know better than anyone else!” feature quite heavily in the blatherings of this particular Troll variant. Note that this Troll has picked up on the fact that the CAPS LOCK SARCASM approach does not work, and instead treads dangerously close to irony through reckless use of the Italics command.

Tragically, both of our pets have dropped off the radar. No doubt Bulldog has retreated to his kennel; no doubt  FrMaRiRoLu is busy creating more tinfoil hats to tide her through the summer.

So, we’re hiring. We need another pet Troll at whom we can poke much fun, wind up and who preferably contains just enough intelligence to make what they mash out in a sweaty, hysterical frenzy the type of stuff that makes people want to point and mock and laugh.

Any takers?

*Thank you Terry Pratchett for that line; you are a flying spaghetti monster among men.

Shortly after Sensibly Common posted this article, our pet troll posted the following comments. He still seems unable to realise that we are not publishing his comments any more but I thought I would share this comedy genius with you all because it is an almost perfect example of the stupidity that smart people face.

I’m sure that if the security forces had been given the choice between causing you mental anguish by expecting you to endure a short-haul flight without trimming “the old goatee”, and acting on specific intelligence about the types of weapons terrorists were planning on using to HIJACK/DESTROY A PASSENGER PLANE, they would have gone the other route.

 I suggest you avoid all this heartbreak, by not flying again untill they change their minds.

Oh where do I start? Could I start with the Daily Mail style capitalisation which he has used to add drama to the comments? Should I start with the insight that this uneducated fucktard brings to us from the inner thoughts of MI5? I think I shall start with the fact that the item specifically mentioned was a grooming kit and a bottle of water and these are, according to our pet troll, highly volatile weapons and likely to be used by terrorists at any time to destroy democracy as we know it.

Airside you can purchase a bottle of water and take it on the plane so clearly water is safe, the offending item which he must be talking about must be a simple grooming kit.

I am quite an inventive sort of person but I can’t quite work out why I would choose these items to destroy or hijack a plane. I think I would probably go a stabbing and slashing instrument as pictured below which can be made using items easily available from the duty free shop.

Combine this with the fact that the doors to the cockpit are now locked and cannot be opened except by the pilots (whose duty is to protect the plane rather than individual passengers) and it’s pretty much impossible to hijack a plane in these post 11/9 times. The work of the people on 11/9 relied on the passengers thinking they would survive if they stayed sat down and kept quiet. It would not take a hero of Hollywood proportions to realise that a group of a handful of hijackers armed with nail clippers or even real weapons are unlikely to last long against a group of passengers who are motivated by a desire to see their loved ones again (even if they get a nasty scratch from a nail clipper in the process).

As you may know we have our own pet troll on this site who helps us out by providing the counterpoint to our arguements in the form of ignorance and prejudice. Our troll has his own blog where he writes what seems to be a badly punctuated homage to the Daily Mail and it was in this shockingly ugly site that I found the following post:

This morning I met a turkish girl I helped to escape an arranged marriage about ten years ago, her name was Gulisa. A couple of days after she had left for England, to stay with “two mules for sister sarah” in Blackpool, her elderly father came to my house, and shouted something in turkish. I don’t do a lot of turkish. He came back half an hour later with a young fellow-me-laddie, whose purpose it was to translate from turkish into german, sadly I had just arrived in germany and spoke next to no german, and the translater had such a strong accent, I did’nt understand more than a couple of words. no problem, because the german guy I was renting the house off lived over the road, and he could speak english, so I told the old man and his translater side-kick to wait, and went to get the landlord. he came over and the father told the boy, who told the landlord, who told me, that if didn’t tell him (the father), where gulisa was he would kill me. I told the landlord, who told the translator, who told the father, that a few people had already threateneed to kill me in the past, none had succeeded, and they wern’t stupid enough to involve two witnesses before they’d even started. He went away. After a week Gulisa could bare to be away from her betrothed no longer, and decided it was nothing more than a case of pre-nuptual nerves after all. I know this because “two mules for sister sarah” told me. Gulisa came back, but she avoided me, and I never saw her again untill this morning.
she was surprised and embarrassed to bump into me, and I had little to say to her. She reassured me I need worry no more as her father died a couple of weeks ago, which was naturally a great relief to me. she showed me an advert from the local paper, to prove it! you know the ones where they announce births, deaths and marriages, (hatches, matches, and dispatches).
It said in german, “to dad, I miss you very much, you are the best father in the world”* classic!
“I’m sure he’d like that” I said, and carried on with my journey.
some day she might have kids.

The point of the post is a little hard to fathom, is he proud of fact that he conducted a conversation which needed four people in order to take place? I assumed that it was his way of showing the world that he is not scared of an elderly man but it could just possibly be that he is proud of the fact that he got involved in helping a girl ‘escape’ from an arranged marriage.

The concept of the arranged marriage is quite alien to many westerners these days although the idea has been around in Britain for a good long while. Marriage is a serious and lifelong commitment and is entered into for a number of reasons, love being just one. Although I don’t come from a culture where arranged marriages are currently in vogue it was not long ago that an Englishman would not dream about courting a girl until he had sought permission from her parents. Asian arranged marriages operate to a certain extent like a parent sponsored dating service where the parents introduce their daughter to eligible bachelors, much like what was common in this country a few decades ago, and the daughter chooses the suitor she wishes to marry. I have friends who have either been married under an arrangement or are going to when the time comes. They are all completely comfortable with the arrangement and trust their parents, who know them very well, to put forward suitable men.

The tabloids, including our favorite Daily Mail, would have us believe that every day an innocent westernized girl is being kidnapped and forced to marry a tyrant against her will. A recent case involving a trainee doctor who was kidnapped by her parents and forced to marry in Bangladesh has been trumpeted as a fine example of how forced marriages are commonplace and consequently arranged marriages are wrong and must be stopped. The point here is that there is a very large distinction between forced marriages and arranged marriages and the media is all too keen on blurring the lines. While a forced marriage is likely to be a bad thing, the ideals and values behind an arranged marriage are not. Arranged marriages, while not agreeable to all cultures, are not inherently evil or wrong but a bad implementation that crosses the line into forced marriage might be.

There are many systems and ideals that are not inherently wrong but which have been perverted to serve those with their own agenda. Many economists believe that there are merits to both capitalism and communism however the current implementation of the former and the Stalinist implementation of the latter are not true to the ideals. Spiritualism and faith are not inherently evil yet throughout history the greedy, power hungry and plain mad have all perverted the ideals to further the wealth and influence of the various churches. Terrorism, inquisitions, burnings, hangings, stoning, crucifixions, wars, murders and torture have all been carried out in the name of religion. Democracy, supposedly the cornerstone of freedom, has been used as the excuse for carpet bombing large swathes of the Middle East and South East Asia. There have been tortures, wars, murders and hangings all in the name of democracy so the problem of perverted ideals is not limited to matters of faith.

So before you judge an ideal or a system by the actions of those who operate under that flag it is worth remembering that the ideal or system might not be at fault, it is most likely the actions of the individuals that are at fault.

I keep getting inane rubbish posted by an ignorant and racist welshman who lives in Germany. Rather than have them clutter up the grown up discussion I have created this post where he can argue against whatever he disagrees with and set the world to rights in his ignorant knuckle dragging fashion.

Here is my favourite recent comment in response to an article about christmas and how a simple pagan festival of winter has been annexed by the church:

ha ha! “lichtfest lights”, did you make that up? Did you think that slinging in a few german words would make you sound klug? what happens in a few hundred years if people dig up the grave of the unknown soldier and discover he was a farmer, would that dimminish the point of the cenataph?

It would appear that dullbuggery has missed out on lichtfest while living in Germany, but it gets better when he then goes on to more familiar territory with a mention of the cenotaph to stir the hackles of any stray Daily Mail readers. As usual with his comments the point is somewhat lost behind the bile, indignation and readyness for an arguement at any cost. In this case the fucktard seems to have confused the tomb of the unknown warrior in Westminster Abbey with the cenotaph which is a memorial on Whitehall.

We love reading the comments on here and think that the web is a great way for smart people to share information and ideas. I would hate to think that anything on here does not stand up to a little scrutiny from the intelligent and informed. It was the comments section that allowed Tom to give Sensibly Common the statistics that he had been searching for regarding MMR articles.

There is a little caveat to that though, don’t berate us with ill informed and badly written bile. We are always open to debate but please check your facts and debate with an open mind.

We don’t expect you to agree with us on everything and we are not trying to tell you how to think on a topic but if you are more informed than us then please try correct us with well written facts, not stupidity.