That's fucking stupid

Posts Tagged ‘jacqui fucking smith’

Alan Johnson, the replacement twat for the previous UK Home Secretary, who was also a twat:

“Given the growing problem of identity fraud and the inconvenience of having to carry passports, coupled with gas bills or six months worth of bank statements to prove identity, I believe the ID card will be welcomed as an important addition to the many plastic cards that most people already carry.”

You know what I’ve always been thinking? It is such a hassle to carry my passport whenever I travel and it always takes up so much space in my luggage. Oh yes, and that once-every-three-years that I open a new Blockbuster membership, I’ll be glad that I don’t have to carry around those hefty gas bills with me. Thanks for that, buddy.

Here’s a tip, Alan, you scaremongering clungemeister: why not redirect that particular budget to the Transport Secretary and get the trains up to scratch instead?

Oh yeah, and before I forget: fuck you.

It appears that our favourite target, Jacqui Smith, is to leave the cabinet next Thursday.

I think this is appropriate:

Now fuck off back to Redditch where you belong.

Right then Jacqui. Here’s the deal. You want ID cards, but none of the rest of the population does, right? They’re kinda shitty as far as ideas go (what with the fourteen trillion pounds being spent on them and all that).

What you need is some public support for the idea. Now, the wishy-washy liberals certainly aren’t going to accept your “it prevents terrorism” argument. And people with actual jobs don’t care about illegal immigrants “coming over here and taking our jobs”*.

So, if you can’t get support, get an incentive.

Make some recreational drugs legal. Sell them in restricted quantities through pharmacies: each time somebody buys the limited amount of that drug, swipe their ID card and share it in a nationwide database. Thus barring them from buying for, say, a week at a time. No ID, no drugs.

This will have the following advantages:

1) it’s all restricted, safe and controlled

2) VAT on every transaction. Fuck it, why not put the EU’s maximum rate of 25% on ‘em?

3) you get lots and lots of lovely data that you can sell for even more money,** with which to pay off the quadrillions of pounds you spent setting up the system in the first place.

I’m a fucking genius.

* we all know that the only people who actually say this are the unemployed, or “orangecocks” as I call them (they spend their time watching daytime TV, eating Cheesy Wotsits, and wanking).

** or lose on a train. Whatever floats your boat.